I LIKE my bisexual friends

I had never met a bisexual person until I went to college. Then, I met three.

The first was the blue-haired girl who lived next door to me. She had a nasty boyfriend with man boobs, and I could hear them getting it on through my wall, but other than that, she was a fine person. She was very technologically capable and had a good CD collection.

The second was a chemical engineer, Keith. He had his first boyfriend last year and was getting in touch with his gay side. The positive side of that was that he did my nails (teal with black tiger stripes…very nice), and the negative side was that I heard about his sex life (I’ve blocked out that part of my memory).

The third was my best friend Anna. I actually wasn’t aware of the fact that she was bisexual until someone once told me that while he was drunk. Apparently Anna and her boyfriend had a deal that both of them were allowed to make out with girls…which was ridiculous because her boyfriend would never make out with someone else. Anyway, I asked Anna about it, and she said she was, but that I didn’t have to be afraid because she wouldn’t do anything with me unless I wanted her to. “You seem perfectly straight to me.” Another time, she told me that she thought I was hot, and if I ever wanted the experience, that she’d gladly make out with me. I told her that that wasn’t currently on my list of things I wanted to experience.

But regardless of her sexuality, she’s a ball of fun. On her birthday, I went out with her and her friends, which basically consisted of walking into random houses where there were parties going on, stealing their alcohol, and leaving. At one house, Anna hit the jackpot: she checked their fridge and found a bottle of good-quality vodka. After that, she was, as she said, she was a “drunken sunflower.” She walked up and down the streets jabbering excitedly, giving us all hugs, and telling me not to patronize her because I was sober (as always), until someone pointed out that a policeman was coming. She suddenly began to quietly walk straight.

“So are you not a sunflower anymore?” someone asked.

“I’m a sunflower…in disguise,” Anna replied, making a hand motion similar to the Vogue dance in Madonna’s music video.

That’s one sunflower that needs to stay disguised.